Current happenings (June 2025)
This month has been a long stretch of me dying like a sickly Victorian boy of either allergies, the cold, or a secret sinister third thing. It seems that within my social circles, there's a constant cycle of sickness. Someone gets sick, everyone else catches it, we stay home for a few days, we return, and someone who wasn't fully recovered gets sick again--and repeat the cycle. And for the record, we're all very hygienic people, all vaccinated, and mask up when necessary. It's unfortunate that there's such an urgency to return to school and work even if we're not 100% recovered--mostly due to the fact that missing days of school will put you so far behind.
Further, I feel like the bouts of COVID-19 I've had over the past few years have left my immune system more vulnerable. I don't recall requiring a week or more to recover from colds and other illnesses. Usually, I would be up and better by 2-3 days. Now a weekend camping trip lives me in bed for a week or just barely surviving school and work.
Tomorrow, I will be getting a haircut and attending my grandfather's celebration of life. This is basically a funeral but less miserable for everyone involved. I like the idea that, rather than maintaining the tradition of a solemn, heavy event, we celebrate the time we've spent loving this person. Even though I miss my grandfather everyday, I know that he wouldn't want us to look back on his life with grief, plus I'm getting some sweet catering out of his death. I've termed this event a FUNeral. Hopefully I can trademark it.
In about 4 days from now is my graduation ceremony. It's actually a huge scam--I don't officially graduate until the 20th, so after the weekend I go back to school like it's just another regular day. It's understandable since most of the schools in the region use this one specific venue, and we can't have every single one of those schools host their ceremonies on the same day. I can't believe I'd ever say this, but for once I'm jealous of the Americans. My American friends already graduated a couple weeks ago. I wish they could be there for my ceremony.
During this ceremony, my friends and I will be performing Somewhere Only We Know by Keane. I proposed this song to the group specifically because it's one of my mom's favourite songs. I am playing the melody on the flute to support the vocalists. I'm nervous, but I think we're ready. We only had a month to practice, and with the other commitments we had, coordinating practices was akin to trying to pass a bill in the House of Commons.
It's odd--I don't feel that awful about finishing high school. Don't get me wrong, I have a couple friends and teachers I'll miss greatly, but I'm not particularly attached to my high school experience. And I feel like most queer, disabled, and neurodivergent kids feel this way. Being a teenager is difficult enough; it's a lot harder when you feel like you're in an ocean desperately swimming for some sign of land, while trying not to go under. I didn't really have a friend group that I felt fully integrated and accepted in. I did and said a lot of cringey, bad things. I didn't like most of the people around me. Some of the worst realisations and moments I've ever had were in this period of my life. I was restless and anxious with a wanting I didn't know how to name.
I desperately want to believe that getting out of this place and into the big city will help me find my kind of people. I don't know. I feel like some sort of chip that helps other people socialize, bond, and interact "normally" is missing in my brain. It's been like this for as long as I can remember.
The rest of June will be dedicated to finishing up my last high school classes, celebrating Pride Month by... being extra gay, preparing cards and gifts for teachers, and dealing with any necessary paperwork for university in the fall. Because I am one of those people who enjoy being constantly miserable, I've signed up to take Calculus for Engineers I over the summer. My university offers incoming first year students the opportunity to complete one required course over the summer, so I won't have to do it during the fall semester--where apparently the same course is poorly-managed and unnecessarily difficult.
I'm somewhat looking forward to the summer.
That's all for now.